“My boyfriend and I had a terrible fight. I’m so sick of this. Is it over?”

We think of fights as horrible, destructive agents of relationship doom, and we want to avoid them at all costs. From our culture, to our personal histories, we learn arguments are a thing to fear. But what if we could see arguments as both normal and even helpful? Is there an alternative to arguments or a way to create harmony after one has already begun?

What is an argument REALLY?

Arguments are all unique combinations of different energies: misunderstandings, miscommunications, trapped emotions, or projections of past events. But they are also an alarm system that show us where something unhealthy or unworkable has been existing in our relationship in the same way that pain alerts our brain that we’ve touched a hot pot. Arguments highlight whatever we have been afraid or unable to clearly communicate in other ways.

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