NO is such an empowering word!
You may have heard the word boundaries and thought yours were good but if you have found yourself feeling you are put upon within a relationship or by others in general then you need to take another look at your boundaries.
Do you find it easy to say no and mean it?
Try it. Next time you do not want to do something and you know that if you say yes you will feel put upon and unhappy that you have done so try saying no. It may be difficult at first but if you keep practising saying “no” to things you do not want to do it will get easier and the pay offs to you to may be great.
The reason for this is twofold.
Firstly, you can gauge the other person’s reaction to you saying no and see how far they will try to push you to get you to do what they want. Secondly, it gives you a sense of empowerment that you can use the “no” word. The more you use it and hear yourself using it the easier it becomes to say “No”.
If you have been giving of yourself, your resources, your time and energy to a relationship and not getting anything in return what have you not tried?
The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
The person doing all the giving in a relationship is setting themselves up to always be in the role of “giver.” The other person who is usually doing very little to keep the relationship together has been programmed that they do not need to do anything as you are doing it all for them.
If you step back a bit they may, and usually do, pick up the slack and give back to you some more in time, affection, talking things through, etc but this usually ends as soon as you start giving again.
Have you ever sat down and wondered why you draw the same type of person into your love life giving you the same negative outcome to the relationship?
Let’s face it if you were drawing the right type of person into your love life you would have a better chance at a positive outcome.
There may be something you are playing out from your childhood or what you saw and experienced within your parents’ relationship that you are equating with love. However, if your parents’ relationship was not that great and let’s face it many are not as they are only doing the best they can with the past experiences they have then you may find yourself repeating their pattern without consciously being aware of it.
Sometimes you will find your parents had a great relationship but you have been drawn into bad relationship choices yourself and put at the receiving end of someone else’s idea of what a relationship is all about. Let’s call this living up to your partner’s expectations of what love is and how a relationship is meant to proceed and there’s about as many different types of expectations as you can imagine.
Ever wondered why you feel so drawn to someone and they are not possibly that drawn back to you?
Wondering what you can do about it or how to protect yourself and your own boundaries.
There are actually many ways you can strengthen your boundaries ensuring you are not pulled into a situation you do not want to be a part of.
Sometimes relationships can feel as if they are all a blur with no real rhythm or reason as to what the rules are or how they are meant to work. We all have different thoughts on what we want our relationships to be and sometimes we miss that what we want is not what the other person actually wants.
Over the next few weeks I will be looking at the following as well as other areas of your relationship that you have questions on and giving you advice on changes you can make.