Changing you or allowing someone else to control you means you are not staying true to yourself in a relationship.
When I say relationship, this can not only mean a love relationship but also friends and family. You are either changing yourself to fit the relationship or allowing someone else to change you to the person they want you to be, not the real you.
This doesn’t mean the being on your best behavior on a first date or just meeting someone.
What I mean here is you either change your whole persona or allowing someone else to control what you do, say, wear and the list goes on until you are not the real you.
Think back to your days in middle school or high school. You wanted to fit in to a certain clique of people so you start dressing like them, acting different and sometimes even turning your back on childhood friends because they didn’t change to fit in to your new crowd.
You reinvented yourself to be how they wanted you to be rather than who you really were, but you wanted to be part of the crowd and this was the price you decided to pay.
I wish I could say this only happened to young people still trying to find their way, but sadly I’ve seen this in adults as well. I’ve been there to watch a young woman who thought she had to be like everyone else so she would invent life happenings to fit with those around her. She went as far as inventing a fake ex-husband and children.
Because a few of the friends had children that had passed away, she put her children in an accident that claimed both their lives. Most of us that knew her saw through the façade and couldn’t help but wonder why she needed to make up these stories. We liked her for who she was when she was being the real person, not the made up version.
Many times we questioned her on the stories but I feel she got so caught up in the life she invented, she dismissed the live she was actually living.
Meeting someone that has a lot of the same likes, interests and beliefs as you can often lead to a great relationship turning into a life partner. Changing yourself to be the person to fit into a relationship can only end in disaster. You can only keep up the act for so long and then when the real you comes to light, the truth will be out and the relationship will end.
In the past, I had an acquaintance that changed depending on the man she was dating. She didn’t have to tell us much, all we had to do was watch the changes she made and we could pick him out of a crowd. If he liked long hair, she would let her hair grow or cut it short if the man liked short hair.
She would dress in a way to fit in with his style, even to the point of changing her favorite drink or smoking his favorite cigarettes. Of course, if he didn’t smoke, then neither would she, or at least while he was around. Sadly she wondered why her relationships never lasted more than a few months.
There are many reasons why someone allows another person to control them in a relationship. Most often they have been mistreated or abused in previous relationships and have very low self-esteem.
I’m sure you’ve all had people in your lives that allowed someone to control them to the point they alienated them from family and friends. They were told how to dress, how to act and with whom they could even have contact.
They are sometimes even in abusive situations but either don’t want to leave because they are being told no one else would want them or just don’t know how to get out.
You should never have to completely change who you are for a friendship or relationship. When this happens, ask yourself, what did they see in you that made them want to be your friend or love interest in the first place?
Know yourself, be yourself and don’t ever allow someone else to make you feel you need to change who you are just to be liked by them. Sounds easier said than done, but you can do this and the first step is to not only love yourself, but also to like yourself and know exactly what you are worth, staying true to yourself.
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