Clients often ask me ‘Is this my soul mate?’
The problem with that question is that it always depends on your definition of ‘soul mate’.
The word itself is possibly one of the most misused terms in the English language.
The next problem comes when the energetic connection is confirmed and the client assumes that as long as they wait, this person will come to them and be all that they ever wanted, because thats what soul mates do right?
The media adds to this by implying that your ‘soul mate’ is not only someone that you are destined to spend the rest of your life with, but that you should actively seek them out and if you find them, you should hold on for dear life no matter how badly you are treated.
Very often a client will tell me that love is not about walking away from someone. They use this as an excuse to stay in toxic, unhealthy and sometimes violent relationships claiming that they are doing it all in the name of LOVE.
Let us clarify love here. Love, in its true form is unconditional. It does not demand ANYTHING in return. This means that you can love someone whilst also recognising that they are not good for you, that the interaction you have with them is not productive and that detaching does not mean that you no longer love them, it means that you also love YOURSELF.
When you remain in an abusive relationship what you are experiencing is not love, its need and codependence. To define codependence, it is a situation whereby a person, seemingly the ‘victim’ lives with an abuser and engages in manipulative and controlling behaviour in an attempt to pacify, please and gain love and attention from the abuser. Doesn’t sound too loving does it?
Even if what you are dealing with is indeed a soul connection, it doesnt mean that you are supposed to allow yourself to be mistreated. If the universe put this person in your life to provoke change then you can be sure that the universe is not going allow either of you to ‘skip school’.
It is also important to mention that NOT EVERY CONNECTION YOU HAVE IS A SOULMATE. There isnt some universal contest taking place where we notch up soul mates on our bedposts. In fact, it would be fair to say that when someone appears to have more than their fair share of karmic interactions, it is a sure indication that they have MUCH growth to make and there is enormous room for self improvement. Bragging obsessing or using it to seek attention is further confirmation.
So what is a soulmate? Anyone who enters your life to trigger growth and change. This can be a sibling, friend, work colleague, neighbour, enemy or indeed love interest. If you are insecure and needy you can bet they will be outgoing and flirty and press every insecurity button you have. They are there to TRIGGER the issues so that they come to the SURFACE, so that YOU can address them. But you have free will at all times, which means that you can take as long as you like to address things, you get to choose the timing, the universe will just keep piling on the heat until you do.
Imagine a voice from above saying, ‘Had enough yet? No? Ok, your choice, have some MORE!!!’ This is one of the main reasons that timings are so hard to predict. Some people will reach breaking point LONG before others. Some will turn to drink and drugs to numb feelings which further hampers progress and, it has to be said that some people will take the dysfunction to their grave and come back to live through it all over again in the next lifetime.
The only person that you have ANY control over at any time is YOU. The beautiful and often overlooked aspect of this is that taking control of yourself is often the catalyst for change all round. When you address YOUR issues you change and when you change, others can no longer interact with you in the same way, so they also have to change.
The way forward is to decide what you need and how you should be treated and to flatly refuse any less from ANYONE no matter how much you may care for them. This connection is about THEIR growth as much as yours and allowing them to remain in a stagnant and toxic place is not love, its fear. Fear that if you address the issues or acknowledge the elephant in the room that they will walk away and that scares you because you NEED them in your life.
That is fear and need, NOT LOVE.
This article first appeared on my website
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By Fiona Beck
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I have written a book: "Relationships: What You Need to Know" and also have my own thriving psychic and relationship oriented website. I am available for skype, chat and phone sessions, offering a variety of payment options.
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