Is He the One I Should Marry?

You have a great boyfriend, he’s met your friends, been home for the holidays to meet your folks, and now you’re embarking on the next steps of your journey together and considering long term commitment, marriage and family.

You’ve been taught through movies and books that you should “just know” and gracefully get on with the business of living happily ever after but in reality, this isn’t always the case. One of the most popular types of questions I encounter as an intuitive are those asked by anxious brides, grooms or people getting ready to get married are, “Is he the one I should marry?” and “how do I know if I’m making the right choice?”

Doubts aren’t  always a sign that your partner isn’t right for you, or that you will need to cancel the wedding invitations and fire the florist.  Doubts are simply a natural expression of our egos as we try to negotiate unknowns, changes and risks.

It’s normal to want to remove a sense of risk. We want to know we’re not missing out on something better, that there’s not some true-soul-mate out there that we overlooked, or we want to know if the relationship will last forever, or if we’ll get hurt.

At this point of relationship growth, there’s a spiritual truth that we must accept before getting  to the next level of relationship commitment: all relationships have moments of doubt and  there is no guarantee (positive or negative) in a partnership because a partnership  isn’t a static object that sits on a shelf and once obtained, never changes like a clock or painting.  It’s a living, breathing, changing energy that grows and changes with both of you over time. Realizing  this is scary, but liberating at the same time.

The doubts swirling in your mind are demonstrating to you that a new level of self-connection is possible at a time when you’re thinking of leaving your single life behind.

While there may be many identities that your ego is trying to protect (single career woman! young social butterfly!), another part of you is ready for new roles.  And while you may be becoming more interdependent with another person, you’re actually moving towards a possibility for greater self-connection, too!

With a better connection to yourself, you will not feel smothered in your choice and you  will see how you can rely on your own emotional choices and wisdom to take responsibility for yourself in the relationship, and tend to your independence too.

Your relationship is a mirror of your inner being, and your soul aligned with the person you are with as an opportunity for healing and growth. If you were supposed to be with an ex from long ago that you’ve secretly always thought “what if” about, or another person, where are they, why aren’t they here right now?

The person who is your partner is your partner  for a reason.  Are you ready to get married, or is there a warning sign lurking that you missed?    Here are some of the signs that can show you that your relationship is ready for long term commitment:

Deep down, you’re ready to take the next steps

We all have family/relationship baggage, fears and ego in relationships, but this is just what relationships can heal through our intimacy and communication. You know there are risks and pitfalls ahead, but at the same time, you trust and love your partner and at the end of the day you are willing to take those risks… and so are they!  (and not because society, your ticking bio-clock, your friends or mom told you to).

They’re willing to get dirty

Your partner is willing to make sacrifices for you, to help you when you’re sick or just generally to do things that inconvenience themselves  with and for you that aren’t the glamorous “fun” parts of relating. Even when things aren’t so rosy; someone has bird-flu, or time off from work is needed, your partner is there for you and you are there for them too.

They express love in many ways

Nope, it’s not always “perfect” love or sweeping highs of romantic euphoria (those don’t always last)  but you find that you and your  partner shows you different expressions of love and care unique to both of you:  silliness, romance, nurturing, truth, and more.   You too are willing to show many different expressions of love, not just perfect romance.

You trust your partner

How much you trust your partner corresponds to how much you trust yourself.  Even though fears and insecurities can appear, you spend most of your time assured that you can trust your partner’s care and honesty in the relationship.  You feel as though you can trust this person with your secrets, heart and physical well-being.

You see past the ‘finish line’

There is no magical goal or finish line to get to that will transform your relationship, because the relationship you have at present IS the relationship.  All you ever get is the present moment and within that, is your connection to one another.    You’re able to see life before and after a goal (like marriage) as something to look forward to with them.  Life will go on long after the last “thank you” note for the wedding gifts is in the mail.  (If your relationship is a mess and you think a wedding will “fix” it, you are mistaken)

They share their love for you with other people

Your partner introduces you to family and friends, and is eager to talk about your presence. They are complimentary to you when talking with friends and family and mention your accomplishments instead of hiding you or cutting you down.  Your partner is excited about sharing your success and progress with other people because he/she really feels like you’re part of the same team as them.

They accept you as you are

Your partner accepts the things about you that you’re most sensitive of, and accepts who you are on the biggest and most important level of being: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

They encourage and challenge you

Your partner may accept the BIG and important things about you, but they also encourage you to try new things, challenge your views and invite you to understand other perspectives.  Encouragement is the key: — they aren’t in the business of put-downs or cruel criticism because they care about your dreams and fulfillment and they challenge you in ways that help and promote you. They are your cheerleader but not your yes-man.

You have mutual goals

It’s easy and natural to talk about  present and future plans, goals and projects and you find that you often have something in the “works”  (remodeling, plans for child-rearing,  the fantastic two-person comedy team act, etc).   While you won’t ever see perfectly eye-to-eye or agree about everything, you know that you can talk about future plans and that they have the intention to learn about your feelings and perspectives (as you do with them).

They don’t expect you to be their “everything”

Your partner doesn’t just live for you 24/7 watching your moves and spending all their time reacting to what you do or don’t do.   They have  their own dreams, goals, friends, hobbies, activities and objectives.  The solo-missions in the game only enhance the team-missions you take on together!    (And the same goes for you).

You know how to fight, and how not to keep score

You know that fights can and will happen and you know that even when you argue, the goal is understanding and growth. Fights are opportunities and should never be knock-down-drag-out emotional attack-fests with one clear “winner” promoted each time.  At the end of the day, instead of keeping a personal tally of who is right most often, the goal is mutual progress.



If you’d like a personal reading on relationships, marriage or “pre-wedding jitters”  please visit me for a personal reading.


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