Do healthy long term relationships evade you? Does it feel as if everyone you know seems to be able to find love and commitment while you hop from one un-satisfactory relationship to the next? Do you keep telling yourself that you just need to find the ‘right one’?
Have you ever considered that in order to find the ‘right one’ you also need to BE the ‘right one’? Here is a list of ten things to consider when seeking love.
1) Pay close attention to someones words and actions. Do they deliver on promises or is it all talk and no action?
2) Just because you want commitment, it doesnt mean that the object of your affection feels the same way. This doesnt mean that there is anything wrong with you, that they are interested in someone else, or that they are rejecting you. Its simply means that you are not both seeking the same things. You are then left with a choice. Accept things as they are or detach. Trying to manipulate someone into wanting the same things as you is NOT a healthy option and will not get you what you want. Believe it or not, there are people in the world who are quite happy to remain single and just enjoy dating.
3) Practice healthy boundaries. If you don’t want casual sex then don’t get intimate until you are sure that you are exclusive. Once you cross that line, you are basically saying that its ok. If you then decide that it isn’t, or that you want more, YOU will be the one who is behaving in a confusing way. Start as you mean to go on.
4) Love yourself. If you are seeking love to fill that huge gaping void inside you, then you are heading for disappointment. No one can love you if you don’t think you are worthy of love. No one can love you if you don’t have love for yourself. Anyone who tries to will burn themselves out and find themselves depleted. They will then give up and detach.
5) Look ahead not behind. Judge others based on how they treat you, not based on how the last guy treated you and how ‘they are all the same’. If you really think that the new guy is the same as the last ones why even bother?
6) Take your time! There is no rush. Pushing things along faster than the other person wants to go will throw up all sorts of red flags – for THEM. See it from their perspective. You just met, you don’t really know one another that well and yet you are hinting at going on vacation together in 6 months time, attending your cousins wedding together next year and you want to know their every movement when they are not with you. This says ‘ I totally lack self love and boundaries and I need to secure you before you realise this and run’. Its also says ‘I don’t really care who you are – just don’t leave me’. If YOU were presented with this, would you find it attractive?
7) Communicate. If you are uncertain about something ask questions. If you feel uneasy about something talk about it. DO NOT go looking for answers from mutual friends, social networking sites or family members. If you want an answer to something, ask them directly. If you are fearing the reaction then you have a HUGE problem – do NOT ignore that!
8) Think very carefully about all aspects of this persons life, not the just the parts that you find attractive. He / she may be stunning, sexy, have a great personality and sense of humour and you have a fantastic time when you are with them. However they may also enjoy travelling around the world to attend sporting events with their friends and you will NOT be invited. They may have a VERY close relationship with their ex husband / wife and you also won’t be invited. They may work 60 hours a week and have very little time for you. Is this REALLY what you want? You may feel an enormous connection to this person and they may feel the same but can this work on a day to day basis? Know what you want and be honest with yourself – is it attainable with this person?
9) Enjoy the moment! Life is about the journey not the destination – which is death. Try not to get too attached the potential outcome – especially before you even know if you want an outcome with this person. Give them a chance to show you who they really are and when they show you – believe them. The good and the not so good.
10) If you are praying for the perfect partner, or for an ex to return, stop. The only thing you need to pray for is to be open and accepting of whatever God / Universe has planned for you. Praying for a specific thing may be blocking you from receiving what is best for you.
Like this article? Read my book Relationships, what YOU need to know!
By Fiona Beck
This article also appears on mywebsite
I have written a book: "Relationships: What You Need to Know" and also have my own thriving psychic and relationship oriented website. I am available for skype, chat and phone sessions, offering a variety of payment options.
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