One of the questions I get asked most frequently as a psychic is “When will I meet my soul mate?”
The term “soul mate” is often used interchangeably with “other half” but they’re essentially the same thing.
The question of when is often followed by how (as in under what circumstances) when it really should be more along the lines of “What changes can I make in myself to become the best version of me so that I can attract the right partner into my life?”
Let’s face it, most of us are looking for someone to share our lives with.
And for those of us who haven’t yet found that perfect someone, the desire to do so can become the strongest motivating factor in our lives.
But if motivation alone were enough to create happily-ever-afters, none of us would ever have to worry about finding our other halves.
In the end, the question of when or how you might find your other half becomes far less important than the question of finding the right “other half. Because believe if it or not, you’ve already found it. In every single relationship you’ve ever had — the good ones and the bad ones. As hard as that might be to accept, each and every relationship you’ve ever found yourself involved in has been your “perfect match” at that moment.
If you find that hard to stomach, it may be time to take a good look in the mirror. Carl Jung said: “That which is not made conscious occurs externally as fate.” This means that everything you attract in your life — every single event, experience and interaction with another person — is an unconscious reflection of your own psyche. And more importantly, it’s a reflection of what your psyche needs, at any given moment, in order to grow.
Think of it as the Universe sending a messenger to your door. The messenger knocks and knocks and keeps on knocking, and no matter how hard you try to ignore him, he just won’t go away. If you open the door just a crack and say “go away, I don’t want any!” the Universe says “fine, but you’re going to have to get this message sooner or later, so I’ll send another messenger down the road.” You’re eventually going to have to open that door, whether you like it or not.
You can choose to participate in this narrative or you can try to avoid it, in which case you’ll have far less say in how it all plays out. This is because it will come at you from the outside, which is what Jung was talking about when he said that what is not made conscious occurs externally as fate.
We’ve all heard the phrase “You have to love yourself first” so many times that we’ve become desensitized to its meaning. But it’s so critical to grasp that as a concept if you’re ever going to be able to create a healthy and meaningful relationship with another.
We have to understand that there’s a reason we’ve attracted the people into our lives that we have, and that that reason has way more to do with us than it does with them. It has to do with our soul’s evolutionary requirements, which know a lot more than we do about what experiences will promote growth.
The term “soul mate,” distilled down to its purest essence, is simply someone who’s come into your life to facilitate that growth. He or she is not necessarily there to make you happy. And a soul mate relationship is not guaranteed to last. While there are indications of karma associated with these relationships, your soul mate is simply your other half at that given point in time. He or she is merely a messenger, representing that part of you that has not yet been made conscious.
This gets a bit tricky when you starting thinking about abusive partners or about those who’ve used or betrayed or taken advantage of you in some way. And we’ve all had our share of those. But this is where you need to move past the idea of associating karma with punishment.
No one is saying that you deserved that kind of treatment or that you had it coming to you. That isn’t what this concept is about. It’s about understanding the soul’s evolutionary intent — which is to learn, grow and evolve — divorced from the concept of blame.
If the impetus for growth in these scenarios requires you to experience behaviors that teach you to value yourself, stand up for yourself and get in touch with the part of you that attracted that energy in the first place (so you can learn from it and stop calling it to you), then the end truly does justify the means.
This is why so many of us attract the same type of partner into our lives over and over again. No matter how different they appear in the beginning, they end up pushing the same buttons and triggering the same emotional responses in us in the end. That is until we get it — until we make what has been unconscious conscious. At that point the Universe starts sending different messengers, as there are always more lessons to learn.
All of these messengers are soul mates. They’re all here to facilitate your growth — just as you’re there to facilitate theirs. From a Universal perspective, these relationships provide the single greatest impetus for soul growth, through the challenges that are faced and the hurdles that are overcome along the way.
This means that even your worst nightmares, your biggest mistakes, your marriages made in hell and all the horrific relationship choices you’ve made over the years have been a part of this process. You’ve hopefully learned from them and grown as a result. But at that time and in those circumstances, each of those relationship partners was your “other half.”
Love is not rational, even though we like to analyze our feelings and define what it is that makes us feel a certain way about another. We say “I’m in love with him because he’s intelligent, kind, generous, thoughtful and loving,” etc. But in truth you could fill a room with 100 intelligent, kind, generous, thoughtful and loving potential suitors and only one of them (or a handful at most) would flip your love switch.
You want to ask yourself what you can do to change that dynamic so that the one who does flip your switch turns out to be one half of a happy and healthy relationship? And the answer is simple — even if it’s not so easy to hear.
You have to recognize that the people you’ve attracted into your life have all vibrated at the same energetic frequency that you were vibrating at at the time. This is how it’s always been and how it always will be throughout your life. So if you want to attract a partner who vibrates at a higher frequency, you’re going to have to do some evolving yourself.
You’re going to have to look honestly at what you bring to the table, which includes all of your darker, uglier and less easily-acknowledged attributes — those same attributes that so many of us try to repress. You’re going to have to take a serious look in the mirror and see what qualities you need to change and what projections you need to own.
You’re going to have to acknowledge some things about yourself that you probably won’t want to acknowledge. Namely the part you’ve played in attracting some undesirables into your life in the first place, and your complicity in the breakdown of those relationships in the end. But that kind of conscious awareness is so necessary because it automatically raises your vibration, which is the first step toward changing that dynamic for good.
You have to be willing to take a long hard look at yourself. And you’re going to have to make some concessions that are very hard to make. But if you really want to find your other half — and if you want him or her to be part of a relationship that is healthy, happy, loving and secure — you’re going to have to be willing to work on your own half first.
I am available for live phone, Skype or chat consultations in 30 and 60 minute increments at the rate of $3 per minute for 30 minute sessions and $2.50 per minute for 60-minute sessions. I am also available for phone or chat through Click4Advisor at $3.99 per minute.
Please note that I do not offer free readings and these are the lowest rates you will find me at online. I am located in the US, in the Eastern time zone.
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Want to read more articles like this? Visit my website: Ask the Astrologers
You can also read more of my articles right here on Psychic Scoop.
I also highly recommend How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo.