We all know that communication is a vital part of every relationship, but do you really know the meaning of the word, communication.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, the correct meaning of communications is: “the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else”.
What is doesn’t mean is just talking or texting to each other.
Most couples will tell you they talk to each other, but I have to wonder how many actually listen, hear or understand what the other person is trying to convey.
There are many ways to communicate, some good and some bad. Do you know the difference? The best way form of communication is always face to face, but even that can fail if you aren’t really listening, hearing or just paying attention.
Let’s take a look at some things that might hinder or cause a lack of communication.
TEXTING
While texting is a form of communication, is it really the way you want to express what’s on your mind when it’s important to the well-being of your relationship. Since when is texting the way to work out your problems or express your true feelings. The written word can do a lot but actually talking face to face is a better solution. How many times has someone texted you and you got the wrong impression from the words? I know for myself, I’ve misconstrued the meaning of a text in the past, and only after talking with the person realized I had taken it the wrong way. When you talk face to face, you can hear the influx of the voice and read the body language or facial expressions to help get the true meaning.
HEARING NOT JUST LISTENING
A vital part of communication is not just listening, but actually hearing what the other person is saying. I don’t think I’m the only person that complains because my hubby doesn’t really listen or better yet, hear me when I am talking to him. Have you talked to someone about a subject only to bring it up a few days later to have them say you never told them? It’s not because you or they don’t remember, it’s because they were not actually listening to you when you spoke. In order to be a good communicator, you need to also be a good listener.
BEING TOO BUSY
A common problem I see in many couples is they don’t sit down to eat dinner together, which is a great place to talk over, not just the days happenings, but important things that need to be addressed. We all have so many things going off in different directions, we don’t take the time to just sit and talk. Be it work, kids, outside activities or just not spending quality time together, everyone seems to be doing their own thing and not taking time to connect. How often do you just stop whatever you are doing to have a nice hug or snuggle on the couch and just relax? Either of these things can send the message that you are there for each other, express the feeling that you care and often these simple things will open up the door to better communication.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
Think before you speak is vital, especially when you are angry. How you verbalize your feelings can either help or hinder the situation. When we are angry, we often become very offensive causing the other person to be on the defensive and it can turn ugly in a minute. If you take a minute to stop and pick your words wisely, you can make a difference in whether or not it becomes an angry battle or a productive conversation. Instead of shouting, “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”, instead you might say, “Can you please take a few minutes to hear what I have to say?’. Taking the time to speak calmly in a non- accusatory way will let them know you need them to listen and make them more open to hearing what you have to say.
DON’T INTERRUPT, PAY ATTENTION
One of the worst things you can do when someone is trying to express their feelings is to interrupt them mid-sentence. This is can lead them to feel you don’t think their feelings or opinion are important enough for you to hear them out. Yes, you have the right to answer but wait until they have finished before you give your point. I know sometimes it’s hard but it’s also vital to good communication if you just be quiet and listen to what they have to say.
It may sound as though you think I’m treating you like a child when I say pay attention but even as adults we sometimes need to remember or learn this. Are you one of those people that are so busy creating what you are going to answer in your mind that you don’t really hear everything being said to you? Yes, it happens all the time because we are so busy thinking about our own reply we completely miss parts of the conversation. These type of thing can lead to arguments or the other person just walking away and the problem will just get bigger. Again, just quiet your mind, pay attention and truly listen before you start thinking about your own reply.
I know you think you hear this all the time, but it’s true that communication is a vital part of a relationship. So often I hear couples saying they never talk anymore, one or the other doesn’t listen or they just seem to lose touch with what’s going on in each other’s lives. These types of things can lead to arguments, miscommunication, feelings of loneliness and even a breakup of the relationship. If you want a good solid relationship, one that will succeed, communication should be a vital part of the foundation. While this is so true in the beginning of a relationship, it becomes even more necessary as the relationship continues.
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