The idea of finding an intense connection with someone on another continent is incredibly romantic and powerful.
It can almost feel like destiny that two souls can find one another in spite of incredible distance. A chance encounter against all the odds.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and there is nothing like distance to make you feel truly bonded to someone.
However, long distance relationships are also very attractive to a commitment phobic.
The built in restrictions and distance can allow them to experience all the positive and romantic aspects of a relationship without any of the day to day regular interaction.
When a commitment phobic person is ready to drop off the radar, there is nothing quite as effective as an ocean or a long flight to enforce that barrier.
Long distance relationships can sometimes have a sporadic flow. When you get to spend time in the same place together, everything is special, you may plan exciting trips, push aside day to day issues and make a huge effort to enjoy the limited time you have together. This can be wonderful but it is not a good representation of what life would be like if you decide to commit to one another and set up home together.
While you are enjoying the limited special times, you are avoiding day to day life. It has the quality of a vacation. There is no way to gage how compatible you are or what life would be like if these special periods were to become a full-on live in commitment.
This is also something that holds great appeal to the commitment phobic. He wants the nice times, the pleasant interactions, the easy going, drama free energy. When things get intense, serious, challenging or, God forbid, you actually NEED his support in a crisis – he is likely to run and hide until the storm has passed.
Now ask yourself how he would possibly manage that if you shared a home?
So how do you know what you are dealing with? Sometimes red flags are so abundant they cannot be missed, unless of course we CHOOSE to pretend they are not there. But if nothing appears to be out of the ordinary watch for consistency in your communications, and have an END GAME.
No one wants to spends years on end having a vacation / online fantasy with someone who is incapable of a commitment. So before you waste precious time, figure out what, and WHO, you are really dealing with.
Commitment Phobia and the Long Distance Relationship
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- Commitment Phobia and the Long Distance Relationship - September 11, 2015