This week’s question comes from a woman whose marriage has suffered a series of what seem like insurmountable setbacks over the past two years.
She and her husband have been separated for more than a year, after confirmation of his earlier infidelity. She’s filed for divorce and has tried to go through the motions of moving on, but is struggling with that decision.
She still loves her husband and he says he loves her and wants to try again, but hasn’t taken steps to make that happen. In fact he hasn’t kept any of the promises he’s made.
Instead he’s been pushing for her to make concessions — such as signing a postnuptial agreement — that are completely unrelated to the issues that broke them up.
To complicate matters, they have a small child whom she worries will be traumatized by a divorce. While they’re currently working out a satisfactory parenting plan, she still wonders if there may be some way to put a halt on all of the legal wranglings and put the marriage back together.
She wants to know what the chances are for that, or whether she’d be happier in the long-run proceeding with the divorce and moving on.
This week both Meilena and Willow took an interest in her question and decided to both look at it psychically. Here are their responses:
It feels as though you’re putting a lot of emphasis on “if I don’t give him more chances, I’ll make a mistake” or, “If I file for divorce, I’ll make a mistake” and I would invite you to look at this situation in a different way:
All this pressure to make the right decision is just one more way where you are carrying the burden of responsibility for this marraige (I sense there are others).
It’s up to him too and you have to be willing to trust (and see) the answers he’ll give you about whether he can do just that.
Since this column is meant for short answers and not in-depth analysis, this is too deep a topic to examine all the difficulties or dynamics, nor can anyone (intuitive or otherwise) tell you what critical life choice to make, it’s up to you.
What I will say though is that I sense that while you two care about each other and have a little baby that will unite you for many years, neither one of you has yet been able to commit to the communication, time and healing required to work on these wounds and decide the outcome of the marriage.
This requires vulnerability, self responsibility and communication. Instead he’s busy protecting himself (asking you to sign a post-nuptial agreement) and you are trying to protect yourself too; “I want a guarantee that if I make the effort, it will work out.” The thing is, at this stage you have to embrace the energy of, “I must act without a guarantee”.
Even if repair is possible, it would take time, work and the willingness of both of you to change existing patterns. (Example: even if he changed his behaviour, you would still need to address the underlying issues or you wouldn’t be able to trust that those changes could make a permanent difference.)
It’s not a matter of one person doing the work or a fast choice that will give you a guaranteed outcome. It’s time to find out if he is willing. If he wants to work it out as he says he does, ask him to join you in marriage counseling to mutually determine if the time effort and mutual work can be done to address the dynamics or if it’s time to speak with your attorney.
If he resists and tells you to sign an agreement to protect his money, that’s your answer.
And now from Meilena:
First off I am terribly sorry about the situation that you are in right now. From what I am feeling, it has been a long road for you both and a lot of stress as well on the family.
From my guides I am receiving that if he was sincere on his promises to you he would have changed and taken action. You have literally almost given him 2 years to make personality and behavioral adjustments and he has not complied.
What I feel is he makes the promises with words but when it comes down to action he is absent. The words he tells you is to appease you at the time.
He is too accustomed to being unfaithful that it is a pattern in him and one that would take counseling one-on-one to negate. These types of behaviors do not change over night. Yes you are certainly right these behaviors take time, but the effort has to be there.
And right now he just wants the stability back in place so he can disrupt it again. The logical side wants to keep the family intact and have the balance there again, but the temptation is something that is constant with him and not knowing what he wants.
Right now I am showing in the cards the following using the Psychic Tarot Oracle Cards deck by John Holland.
Here are the cards:
Disruption: This is the abrupt change, this is you finding out what is really going on with your husband and being aware of his behavior. What you knew before and the person you thought you knew has changed.
This is literally helping you connect the dots one by one and some situations that have occurred in the past are all starting to make sense.
Power: You most certainly know that you have this information, know what to do with it and have the strength to make it through this very trying time right now and actually come out on top of it all.
Third Eye Chakra: Trust your gut right now, trust your instincts especially with the prenuptial agreement. He knows he has issues changing behavior and is wanting you to sign this to protect him if he fails.
You can still work on your marriage, but boundaries need to be in place. If something doesn’t sound right or feel right to you trust this message. Right now your focus is on creating stability for you and your son while he takes time to address his own behavior.
Keep us posted on your progress!
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In addition to working with local clients and students, she is able to consult with clients all over the world. She is also phenomenal artist, writer and teacher who contributes to numerous websites.
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